The True Story Behind My Internet Identity: Soul4real

Apr 1st, 2008 | By | Category: Confessions, Lesbian, Music, Video
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Okay, I’ll start by saying this might be a bit too revealing, so I might cut where necessary. You can ask if you want for me to fill in the details. I’m not even sure why this came up, but my identity on the internet has been soul4real for as long as I can remember. I thought it might be interesting to explore why. And I think I just wanted to put a date on that since I don’t remember so well any more. :-)

I came out when I was 28. That was in 1993. Yes, I was a late bloomer – very confused in my youth to say the least. But anyway, this is not about that. When I came out I fell in what I thought was love for the first time in my life. It was simply amazing. Little did I know then that I was only in love with the idea of being in love with a woman instead of being in love with that first woman. Sad but true. I got my little heart broken anyway.

There was this band back then that I really loved, and they were called Soul for Real. And one song in particular really touched me. It was Candy Rain.

Soul for Real is a R&B group from Wheatley Heights, NY that experienced significant popularity during the 1990s, made up of brothers Andre, Brian, Christopher, and Jason Dalyrimple. Something of an urban 1990s version of the Jackson 5 crossed with Boyz II Men and Jodeci, the act has specialized in “hip-hop soul” numbers such as “Candy Rain” and “Every Little Thing I Do” (U.S. number 1 hit), both hit singles from their 1995 LP Candy Rain (Wikipedia).

In my sadness, I listened to that song non-stop. You can hear the song here or watch the video below. I loved this song because the words meant so much to me. It had a catchy chorus and the first verse went like this:

Have you ever loved someone
So much you thought you’d die?
Giving so much of yourself
It seems the only way
Tell me what you want, and I
And I will give it to you
‘Cause you are

OMG. I am cracking myself up with this. I was so pathetic. Here’s some more:

My love
Did you ever dream that it could be so right
I never thought that I would find
All that I need in life
All I want, all I need now I know
I know I found it in you
I found it in you
’cause you are

Well, she didn’t feel the same way, and all I had was the song. So I made my email and IM names soul4real to keep the memory alive. Gosh, I’m so glad I’m having to recall all of this because if it were a daily memory I might have to just smack myself. I’m all grown up now and realize how silly I was back then, but I still continue my online identity as soul4real. Every social networking site I sign up for has soul4real as my username, and now you ALL know why. It has been 13 years and still going. Enjoy the video:

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